Why Facebook is Like Attending a BBQ at Your Boss's House
When I give presentations and people ask if they should be on LinkedIn or Facebook or both, I tell them that both social networking sites fill a similar function but that the social “rules” are very different.
LinkedIn is like a professional meeting or face-to-face networking function. You know how to dress (no jeans or sexy clothing) and mingle with people.
You know that you don’t pick up chicken with your fingers or talk too much about yourself (the best networkers always ask lots of questions of the people to whom they’re talking).
In short, “business professional” is a mode of behavior and dress that we all know and feel comfortable with.
That’s why many people like LinkedIn — it feels comfortable and familiar.
Facebook, according to the anecdotal evidence I hear, causes anxiety. This is because Facebook is like attending a Saturday BBQ at your boss’s house.
The event itself brings up a whole host of questions for which the rules aren’t clear — especially if you’re in corporate or work for a conservative company:
Which clothes should you wear? For women, this is particularly tricky: can you wear the sexy sundress or should you stay with something more modest?
Can you eat that BBQ chicken and corn on the cob with your fingers — which can become pretty messy — or stick with something safe?
Should you drink?
Do you bring the spouse? The kids? The pet dog?
What do you talk about? Business? Personal? The books you’re reading? What if you don’t read and watch trashy reality TV shows instead? Is that something you want everyone to know?
Now I know many people use Facebook quite well for both business and pleasure — and that they’re able to keep their personal lives separate from their business lives via the judicious use of groups within Facebook.
I also know that people feel quite relieved when I tell them they really don’t have to use Facebook for business.
In fact, many people tell me they use it only to keep up with far-flung family and don’t use it for business — that’s why they use LinkedIn.
And some people even admit they don’t have a Facebook page at all.
Here’s the bottom line with regard to social media: Do what makes you feel comfortable.
Along that note, I decided to delete my Facebook profile altogether.
After reading The Power of Less, I decided it was time to simplify my life, including my online life.
So, I deleted my profile in order to stop worrying about the fact that I had a profile that I virtually ignored.
How do you use Facebook and/or LinkedIn — and how do you feel about each one? I’d love to hear your story.
August 16th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
I use Facebook a lot for both, but I decided to create a separate FB page for my business and I announced it once to my list of 700 FB friends and that was it. I had sent out a few status updates that included links to my business blog, but I started feeling like a spammer.
I felt like I was crossing a line of acceptable social etiquette by including business status updates to my friends. I would agonize over each one. But, once I announced my business page, those who were interested became a “fan” (I feel like a rock star now) and they get all my business updates that way.
Now I don’t feel hesitant at all about sending product-related updates to my business group. The people who are my “fans” have all opted in for the information, so I know they want it.. I feel much better about that and it has resolved the conflict for me.
August 17th, 2009 at 5:43 am
Great tips and very nicely written! Social networking will soon become the most effective way of building your professional career and creating a personal brand. However, one will have to invest time in learning the effectiveness of these sites and ways to use them properly.
By the way, I am new to LinkedIn too and have found this resource quite useful. It is a new book called “How to REALLY use LinkedIn” by networking expert Jan Vermeiren. Check it out, you can find a free lite version at http://www.how-to-really-use-linkedin.com/
August 17th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Tracey — I agonized about the whole personal vs. business thing, too, and did think seriously about creating a fan page, but in the end, I decided to just delete it altogether. I blog, I do LinkedIn, I run a LinkedIn Group, and I twitter, and quite frankly, I’ve just run out of time.
That is the message I really want to get across — you don’t have to be *everywhere* to be effective.
Nikhil — thanks for the book resource and for stopping by.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:53 am
Nice post Dianna. I believe it’s all about focus. It always has been in business, and social media just sharpens the need.
Personally, I use Twitter and LinkedIn for work and Facebook for friends. Clear and simple. I follow about 100 people on Facebook: I care what they say because I know them as people. I follow many many more on Twitter: not because I know them, but I want to share business information with them. (Although one of the pleasant side-effects is that you do develop friendships over time on Twitter.) But if you keep them entirely separate, you will avoid much anxiety.
I’m not saying never invite your boss to your barbecue. But we’re all used to keeping professional/personal apart in offline lives (when was the last time you showed up at the office in pyjamas or gave your kids a Powerpoint presentation on good behaviour?) So we just keep those lines clearly drawn online too.
A good post always gets you thinking. Thanks Dianna.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:59 am
John,
You hit it — we have always kept personal and work separate but the lines have been blurred. Some people are ok with it and thrive in this “openness.” Others do not like it.
I have been thinking about social media — and this crossing of lines — for a few months now. It’s an interesting idea.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Fascinating subject. I have many times found it odd the lengths some people will go in divulging highly personal details of their life in a social network consisting of colleagues from work. I have always preferred a separation, myself.
I agree with the “you don’t have to be everywhere…” statement. There’s simply not enough time in the day to stay relevant and/or current in so many places at once.
Thanks for the post.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:20 am
I think the right way to approach social media is to do what make you feel comfortable.
Months ago, on Twitter of all places, I read a blog post written by someone (who’s name I have unfortunately forgotten) who summed up the Facebook-LinkedIn-Twitter sites as the following:
– Facebook is for people you know
– LinkedIn is for people you’ve worked with
– Twitter is for people you would like to meet
I think there is some truth for that. I do enjoy Facebook as a way to reconnect with former classmates, especially classmates from elementary school. LinkedIn seems to be the default for anything professionally related. Twitter, my personal favorite, does seem to be misunderstood but I look at it as a combination of a real-time search engine tied to an open exchange forum. I do wish Facebook would stop trying to be a Twitter clone because I think both sites serve different purposes.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:31 am
I have strict criteria for the way in which I use different sites. For me to hook up with someone on Facebook I ask myself if I’d feel comfortable with them seeing me drunk and / or emotional. I do have a Clear Thought page on Facebook, but iti separate from my personal profile. For LinkedIn, I have to have worked with them or met them professionally. Anyone can follow me on Twitter – but I would never put anything on Twitter that I wouldn’t want a client to hear me say. I recently chose not to interview someone for a job having spotted a Twitter exchange between him and a friend on how he wasn’t that bothered about the job!
August 20th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Jenn — I love the summation of Twitter-Facebook-LinkedIn. I personally love Twitter — it’s fast, easy and doesn’t require a lot of time / energy.
Erik — I think part of the anxiety surrounding social media is that people think they do have to be everywhere when they really don’t have to be.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Oh my gosh, I did the same thing a few weeks ago! I love the BBQ metaphor. What it actually feels like is attending a BBQ at your boss’s house, and knowing that your boss sent invitations to everyone you’ve ever known, including people you barely know from high school, and they might all show up, and since they don’t care it’s your boss, they will probably engage in inappropriate activities, including bringing every embarrassing picture they’ve ever taken of you and having a slideshow at the end of the night.
People I know in real life are all on Facebook. And I don’t want to talk about business with them, just like I wouldn’t bring them to the boss’ BBQ. And I have no personal reasons to network online with people I already know in real life. There aren’t that many of them. That’s what the phone is for.
Plus, I don’t like Facebook. Too many apps. Too many annoyances. Give me a private microcommunity where people have something specific in common any day.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Bryony — Wow! Interesting about the job tweet. You really do have to be careful what you say on Twitter. It’s like talking on the phone in public.
My friend told me that her firm won a negotiation because one of the partners overheard a competitor firm talking about the deal on the phone on the subway.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Thanks for the posts. I am not an Facebook despite all my peers telling me that “I have to be there”. I feel Facebok is for college kids because I was in college when it came out and, at the time, I decided that I didn’t want to link up with my friends online. 5 years later, everyone including your grandma and your Financial adviser has a profile.
For me it is about risk/reward and where do I want to spend my time. I have twitter, friendfeed, delicious as well as other accts. I choose not to be on Facebook because I don’t think as many interesting people are going to be there, at least in terms of content that I want to see online. I would like to be spending more time on Friendfeed, I think that it is more interesting than Facebook.
For businesses, I’d think twitter and LinkedIn as well as industry specific sites such as a ning is where they would want to spend most of their time. I am sure I could say a lot more but I will just leave it at that. Thanks for your insights and I completely agree. Loved the BBQ on Saturday at your boss’s house analogy.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Kelly — Yes! You nailed it! Thank you!
August 20th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Diana, great headline analogy!
When I first joined Facebook, I was uncomfortable with the work/friends merge, and now I see my discomfort was well placed. (Always trust your instincts, as you are doing). Now, I have a link to my company website, blog and company facebook page on my personal facebook account, but that is all. I don’t post anything work related. Do my friends want to receive my work updates and tips? No. If they do, they can read my blog or my Facebook company page.
This has worked really well until last night. I received a Facebook friend request from a client. I have never met the client in person. He enrolled a (large) group of his employees in online business writing courses we offer. I was stumped. I felt it would be rude to ignore the request, and didn’t want to alienate the client. I ended up accepting his friend request and then limiting his access to areas of my personal Facebook account. (I don’t know him well enough to show family reunion pictures! Why would he want to be my Facebook friend!) Ridiculous, and too time consuming.
My new Plan (with a capital P): For me, it’s good business and good boundaries to use my personal Facebook account for family and friends, and my company page for business. Sure, there is overlap, as colleagues become friends. I now have a short template all ready to copy, redirecting any work-related Facebook friend requests to my company page. it’s friendly and upbeat, but I think it’s ok to create boundaries. I really enjoy my personal Facebook account for keeping up with friends, and like that I can be authentic there, with no need to be business-ish.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Hey Dianna – I’ve been saying a (not nearly as eloquent) version of this for quite a while. I do have an active Facebook profile, but it is 100% personal. It’s where I catch up with old college friends or make plans for the neighborhood picnic. I post pictures of my kids and talk about stuff only my friends care about. And my work contacts are not invited.
Twitter and LinkedIn are the perfect space to make business contacts and have fun doing it, and I’m having a great time exploring there. But I see how you can make the same “BBQ with the boss” (LOVE THAT) mistakes with Twitter especially if you’re not careful.
It’s all about setting boundaries. Carefully. After all, just because electronic tools give you the ability to blend work and home doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
August 20th, 2009 at 9:58 am
QUOTE:
” … you don’t have to be *everywhere* to be effective …”
Beautifully put, Dianna.
(As usual!)
August 20th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Mary — I like how you’re navigating the whole personal/business boundaries as you go. Good job.
Debra — Navigating social media successfully is about setting boundaries — which is why if one doesn’t feel comfortable doing something, one shouldn’t. (That’s the conclusion I’ve come to, anyway, and I’m sticking with it.
)
Sponge — Thank you! (Nice to see you, too.)
August 20th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Great analogy though IMO any web presence could be a “BBQ with the boss.” No matter how “private” your settings, anything that is posted online is “public” to someone, who can search, copy, post or just talk about it.
Like others, I have different uses for different networks. FB is my personal space, and even then I use lists/groups to limit who can see what. Everything else–from Twitter and LinkedIn to my Google profile–is social to be sure, and very “business professional.”
August 21st, 2009 at 4:09 am
Davina — Yes, you hit it — nothing is “private” when it’s online.
September 1st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
How timely your post was for me! I had clearly segregated my “audience” for Facebook and Linked In/Twitter into family/friends and business contacts respectively. Very dangerous to mix the two. And I remain a massive fan of Linked In, in partcular (the channel through which I found out about your blog, not least!)
What so chimed is that, despite that clarity, I have also just last week deactivated my Facebook account. With great hesitation and tons of soul-searching. But the bitter pill was swallowed and life is fairly sweet. My social life has not fallen off a cliff.
Here are the agonising reasons I outlined just last week in my blog (Dark Confessions of a Facebook Sinner)…which, too, generated animated feedback as soon as it was posted. It comes down to the personality of your circle within FB and, it seems, the objectives you set for its use. It just wasn’t for me….
http://www.reputationmattersltd.com/blog/2009/08/late-night-confessions-of-facebook.html
Great post! Thanks for sharing and vindicating the decision!
September 2nd, 2009 at 8:32 am
Joanna,
Great post! I just Twittered it.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:58 am
I agree if you wont something to stay private do not post it on the internet!